Not What It Used To Be

No. 49 Pirates and Pillocks

Jeffman — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 22:59:06 +0000

It’s hard to convey with words the wanton despair or complete lack of enthusiasm Jeffman feels for anything in this world on an almost daily basis. So he won’t. But it seems that some folk have no trouble entering into the spirit of things, and indeed, taking it that one step too far. Despite ‘Talk Like [...]

No. 48 The Idiot in the Workplace

Jeffman — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 14:43:39 +0000

Speaking of self-righteous pricks, one of the few pleasures that lifts Jeffman’s otherwise dull and dreary weekdays watching a wall in case it decides to change colour, is occasionally listening to the abject nonsense that spills with seemingly carefree abandon, and no due consideration for nearby animal or plant life, from the mouth of a [...]

Electric Light Orchestra - Sweet Talkin’ Woman (Musical Interlude)

Jeffman — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 03:23:50 +0000

As promised last week, one delivers the most agreeable ‘Sweet Talkin’ Woman’ from Electric Light Orchestra’s 1977 double album: Out Of The Blue. And a fine album it is too. Jeff Lynne’s permanent wave gets dodgier and Bev Bevan’s drumkit gets bigger. And while we’re at it, one has to wonder how foolish the bloke playing the cello [...]

No. 47 A Minimum Charge on Booze

Jeffman — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 14:29:55 +0000

In yet another bid to prevent the great British public from getting royally rat-arsed and – horror of horrors – maybe actually enjoying themselves in this grim, grey wasteland they’ve so generously created for us, the right honourable members of Parliament (members, indeed) are calling for an outright ban on what was once the finest [...]

No. 46 Britannia High - A Distinct Lack of Televisual Creativity

Jeffman — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 16:56:00 +0000

The Not What it Used to Be TV critic, Jeff Mann, braves new show Britannia High and quickly wishes he hadn’t: It would seem that creativity has rolled out the off-white rag, hoisted it from the highest flagpole, and died ceremoniously on its arse. As far as British TV is concerned anyway. Anyone who’s brave enough to [...]

The Bonzo Dog Doodah Band - Hunting Tigers Out in India (Musical Interlude)

Jeffman — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 01:48:26 +0000

This week I was going to put up ‘Sweet Talkin Woman’ by the Electric Light Orchestra, but due to a recent saturation of ELO and related groups within the musical interlude, I’ve decided to put it off for another week or so. Instead, we have another of Jeffman’s many favourites, The Bonzo Dog Doodah Band. Yes, you [...]

No. 45 Bonfire Night is Banned

Jeffman — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:42:26 +0000

It is in fact November the 5th, which means tonight is Bonfire night. An evening where everybody in England gathers together around a roaring fire beneath a fog-cloaked sky and celebrates the arrest, torture, hanging, drawing, quartering, and eventual burning of Catholics everywhere; via the medium of the humble baked potato. However, recent Government edicts have [...]

No. 44 Fanshawe at Halloween

Thackery Fotheringay-Fanshawe — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 13:18:12 +0000

There’s fashionably late and unfashionably late. I think two days counts as the latter. As is the case with most of the landed gentry, Fanshawe’s about as reliable as Gary Glitter at a school fete. Only missing the deadline by an entire day, Fanshawe, the tiresome toff, has some of his wisdom to dispense on the [...]

Roy Wood and Wizzard - Angel Fingers (Musical Interlude)

Jeffman — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 03:22:56 +0000

More Birmingham (UK) grown goodness. Which has seemed to be a trend of late. What with The Move, Electric Light Orchestra, and Wizzard once again. What’s the common denominator between these three groups? Roy Wood of course. And it’s coming up to his time of year too, with ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’ sure to [...]

No. 43 The Chancer’s Formbook: Bandwagon Jumping

Jeffman — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 23:24:03 +0000

There is a powerful weapon found resplendent in the toolboxes of all chancers. If employed efficiently and with the optimum of timing it can be used to devastating effect. I refer, of course, to the Politician’s very own favourite: Bandwagon Jumping. All chancers worthy of their salt are trained to the pinnacle of their abilities in [...]

No. 42 Seven Things you Needn’t Know about Jeffman

Jeffman — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:17:15 +0000

The jaunty and considerably pert Eve over at That’s Funny Because recently collared me in one of those ‘7 Things you didn’t know about Me’ posts that seem to be quite popular with those who’ve got ready access to the internet. Being the miserable old bark that I am, I’d usually have no truck with such [...]

Electric Light Orchestra - The Diary Of Horace Wimp (Musical Interlude)

Jeffman — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 23:19:28 +0000

If your speakers happen to be broken, then with the amount of the dodgy perms that are on display here you could be forgiven for thinking that it’s a 1981 fourth division football team’s crack at an FA cup final single. All it lacks is Dave Beasant acting the goat somewhere in the background. But no [...]

No. 41 International Celebrity Death Threat Day

Jeffman — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 19:43:58 +0000

When asked as to whether he thought Ringo Starr was the best drummer in the world, John Lennon famously replied: “He’s not even the best drummer in The Beatles.” Nor was he much of a singer, as anybody who’s given ‘Don’t Pass Me By’ on the White Album a quick listen, will attest to. Following their [...]

No. 40 The Pigs are at the Trough

Jeffman — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 19:53:52 +0000

If anybody needs further proof that the human race is beyond saving, then they need look no further than the recent re-opening of the Curry’s Superstore in the delightful shire of Wednesbury, which offered a veritable feast of knockdown electrical consumable bargains. Ugly displays of wanton greed are not the sole reserve of the rich, the [...]

No. 39 Jeffman’s £37 Billion Bailout

Jeffman — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 15:56:22 +0000

Despite what I may have said midweek regarding the imminent end of the world and everybody blaming poor Gordon Brown for it, it would seem that as I was indeed publishing said foolishness, the Prime Minister was in fact undergoing a sudden surge in popularity. Unbelievable, I know, but Gordon Brown was suddenly hailed as the [...]

Roy Wood and Wizzard - See My Baby Jive (Musical Interlude)

Jeffman — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 22:23:45 +0000

Ah. The great Roy Wood. The hirsute Brummy and the creative force behind the legendary Move, the early days of ELO, and of course Wizzard. Who would’ve thought a barmy barnet and a predeliction for facepainting could’ve gone so far? Still residing in Jeffman’s hometown of Birmingham, Roy Wood is the unsung hero of musical experimentation, running [...]

No. 38 The Chancer’s Formbook: How to Sue Somebody

Jeffman — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:21:04 +0000

After another eye-bleedingly dull day in ungainful employment Jeffman has reached the conclusion that the only way to beat the astronomical odds that have been stacked against him is to sue some other bugger for their money. Everybody else in this day and age is using the courts to bolster their lack of income, so [...]

No. 37 The End of the World

Jeffman — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 19:16:13 +0000

Jeffman has been in the wars of late, suffering cracked ribs and a bout of flu with enough of a kick to incapacitate a randy mule. But he doesn’t want sympathy! Jeffman is crafted from hardy, all-weather materials, and always bounces back to fight another day. So please, save your goodwill and comforting words for [...]

No. 36 Dickie Davies: A Sporting Fellow

Thackery Fotheringay-Fanshawe — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 17:04:47 +0000

Three cheers for Dickie Davies. He is the cut of chap that harks back to a more elegant and - dare I say? - a more innocent era. A time when a gent was well within his rights to pepper a young ruffian with buckshot, happen he was to catch such a delinquent youth loitering [...]

The Beatles - Let It Be (Musical Interlude)

Jeffman — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 01:44:12 +0000

A rare treat, my friends. ‘Let it Be‘ by The Beatles from the 1970 album of the same name. However, this is without Phil Spector’s over-production, which became the familiar version that everybody knows, with its orchestral and choral accompaniment throughout. Something that Paul McCartney objected to from the start. However, Sir Paul looks quite hirsute, a [...]