Three cheers for Dickie Davies. He is the cut of chap that harks back to a more elegant and – dare I say? – a more innocent era. A time when a gent was well within his rights to pepper a young ruffian with buckshot, happen he was to catch such a delinquent youth loitering upon his grounds. Without fear of prosecution, one might add.

This was a time when a cad, and indeed, a bounder was readily accepted into the homes of the troublesome Proles each and every Saturday afternoon, simply because they were aware of his superior breeding and quite rightfully showed the respect that was due.

But there was more to Dickie Davies than just an exemplary bloodline. He was the quintessential English gent and the erstwhile presenter of a World Of Sport. Immaculately turned out at half past midday every Saturday, when the nation’s lower orders were staggering blind drunk out of their public houses and speakeasies, his crystal clear delivery of the Queen’s own English was only matched by a sartorial elegance that was second to none. Even if his perfectly maintained coiffure did give the impression of a man who had just finished painting the ceiling.

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Recorded on a battered Sony TCM-200DV dictaphone on 27/08/08

Another depressing bus journey home. The same cast of faces that would stop a clock at fifty paces (my own included); the same air of demoralisation; the same legion of identikit kids worshipping the cult of chav.

And whilst all this goes on, the slope becomes slippier. If, like me, you believe everything you read and hear, then we’re plummeting into a recession that could spell the end for us all. So where is our rudder? Our chosen champion? The one to guide us through the coming turmoil and out the other side without so much as a hair out of place.

Whilst the nation burns, Gordon Brown fiddles. This time in Beijing, kindly informing the President of China that the 2012 Olympics will be an equally successful event. I’m afraid that if I could be bothered enough to care, I’d be failing to share his confidence. Not with this bunch of chancers in charge, anyway. The Millennium Dome and Wembley are obvious examples that spring to mind, but it would be far too easy to liken such fiascos to what might occur in the next four years. So I won’t.

Tickled your fancy? Read on…