Ah, the fickle world of fashion. Populated by preening poseurs, pretentious pillocks, and temperamental tossers. A shallower arena of vacuous whores, brainless drama queens, and slaves to the god of money, you’d be hard-pressed to find.

responsible advertising from the shallow world of fashion

So how would one define fashion?

Well I took the liberty of peeking into the Not What it Used to Be Dictionary of Foolishness and found the following:

Fashion [fash-uh n] noun, verb, idiom
-    Looking at what someone else is wearing before making a purchase yourself.

Indeed so. Fashion is dictated by a cabal of ludicrously attired and obscenely overpaid designers who would readily sell you the shirt off your own back at four times the price you paid for it, and then proceed to make you feel guilty for breathing the same air as them. It is from this arcane collective (I hesitate to use the word thinktank) that the clothes you or I wear filter down to the high street. Like shit down a hillside in a particularly heavy rainstorm.

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There is a powerful weapon found resplendent in the toolboxes of all chancers. If employed efficiently and with the optimum of timing it can be used to devastating effect. I refer, of course, to the Politician’s very own favourite: Bandwagon Jumping.

All chancers worthy of their salt are trained to the pinnacle of their abilities in this discipline, and will be on a constant lookout for the latest bandwagon rolling by upon which to hike up a trouser leg and hitch a ride.

Case Study
The tool has been used admirably over the past few days or so, following the furore surrounding overpaid entertainers, Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand, and their leaving of risqué/lewd messages on the answer phone of Manuel off of Fawlty Towers. To fill in a bit of background, this happened on a pre-recorded radio show on BBC Radio 2, broadcast on October 18th. Remember that date. Now Russell Brand has a bit of a history for putting his foot firmly in his mouth, and as for Jonathan Ross – well he’s 48 and should really know better by now.

But we don’t wish to get bogged down in the rights and wrongs of this, for that is not the purpose of The Chancer’s Formbook. Instead, we shall note that to date there have been 18,000 complaints to the BBC and Ofcom (TV, radio and communications regulator) regarding this broadcast. It is also worth noting that only two of these were made at the time on the aforementioned date of October 18th.

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After another eye-bleedingly dull day in ungainful employment Jeffman has reached the conclusion that the only way to beat the astronomical odds that have been stacked against him is to sue some other bugger for their money. Everybody else in this day and age is using the courts to bolster their lack of income, so why shouldn’t he?

I have taken the liberty of drawing up a shortlist of people to sue with handy tips should those of you at home wish to acquire your own retirement fund.

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