No. 47 A Minimum Charge on Booze

In yet another bid to prevent the great British public from getting royally rat-arsed and – horror of horrors – maybe actually enjoying themselves in this grim, grey wasteland they’ve so generously created for us, the right honourable members of Parliament (members, indeed) are calling for an outright ban on what was once the finest exponent of the British pub trade, the happy hour, as well as cheap supermarket booze.

The good people elected to protect our interests have even proposed putting a minimum price on alcohol. This in particular nearly caused Jeffman to spill his pint.

These sparks of brilliance stem from a committee headed by keen defender of free speech, the publicity shy MP for Leicester East, Keith Vaz, a man who by decree of his very religion is unable to partake of alcohol.

Amongst his many achievements in the pursuit of justice and freedom for all, there’s the time in 1989 when he led a 3000 strong protest against the publication of Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses in the United Kingdom. And then a year later he’s writing in the Guardian newspaper asking for the paperback edition of the same book to be withdrawn saying, “… there is no such thing as absolute freedom of speech.” Well evidently not when an author is forced into hiding by the threats of zealot nutjobs taking their orders from another zealot nutjob, spewing his poison from the other side of the world.

Vaz has also called for the banning of various video games, particularly from the Rockstar label, such as Manhunt and Bully (Canis Canem Edit), upon which he passed his unquestionable judgement, quickly betraying the fact that he’d probably not played them. And if that’s not enough he has also had his name embroiled in a number of what might be perceived as scandals (legal wording. Ed), one of which managed to get him suspended from the House of Commons in 2002.

He now has the boozehounds of Britain in his myopic sights.

Well, he’s free to voice his objectionable opinions when and wherever he wants. That’s the whole point of ‘freedom of speech’ – it protects even the most self-righteous prick (personal opinion, also protected by freedom of speech).

But listen to this. Maybe, just maybe, if the MPs spent a little more time listening to those they’re supposed to represent and not embarking on perpetual crusades serving their own self-interests, whilst coming up with harebrained, headline-grabbing schemes designed to further grind the nation down into easily-compliable vegetables; then perhaps the Great British public wouldn’t feel the constant need to go out of a weekend and get completely trashed.

This country has become a considerably worse place to live over the past few decades (coincidental with the rise in blanket Tory-ite, centre-right policies being adopted across the whole political spectrum?). To temper this, getting mortally drunk on a Saturday session and knocking seven bells out of one another has pretty much become the national pastime.

Once again the idiots-elect prescribe an Elastoplast to patch the purulent and festering, gaping wound of their making, punishing the majority because it’s the easiest thing to do.

Minimum price on alcohol? We already pay enough as it is! I ask ya!

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