Mon 27 Oct 2008
The jaunty and considerably pert Eve over at That’s Funny Because recently collared me in one of those ‘7 Things you didn’t know about Me’ posts that seem to be quite popular with those who’ve got ready access to the internet.
Being the miserable old bark that I am, I’d usually have no truck with such things, but seeing as Eve seems intent on making me her next husband, obviously for my considerable good looks, I thought it best to keep her sweet.
So here it goes. Seven things you probably didn’t need to know about Jeffman:
1. I sport a trilby in a rather dashing manner. No surprise there for those aware of my work. But the trilby is in fact the hat of choice of kings and those of a sartorially elegant persuasion. If God were to come down off his cloud in the sky, he too would certainly be modelling a brown trilby, velvet band, duck feather combination in honour of the sporting gents, the cut of which you’ll find in bookies all day, every day.
The trilby is also handy for secreting small pork pies or scotch eggs about your person.
2. I once smoked an entire King Edward potato, and woke up on a beach in Tiera Del Fuego. I then spent six months smuggling low grade cocaine into Columbia, before a sturdy fellow with a large gun pointed out the Newcastle and coals irony of my venture and deported me for being silly.
3. I have stood for Parliament on two occasions. In the first, fairly well publicised instance I stood on a ‘ban the internet’ ticket and was roundly thrashed by all the other candidates. I lost my deposit.
In the second instance I stood on a box and was roundly voted the tallest candidate. I narrowly missed out on the award for shiniest hair to Tory pin-up girl Angelina Jocasta Archibald Tangletwister-Smythe. I was subsequently roundly thashed by the other candidates. I lost my dinner money.
4. I intend to stand for Parliament once again. This time in nothing other than a trilby and a rather debonair cromby. I shall leave both my deposit and my dinner money at home.
5. I share an office with a man who said in all seriousness, with regards to Peter Mandelson: “He must be a good politician if they keep asking him back…”
He also reads the Daily Mail. Enough said.
6. I’m not convinced the number six exists.
7. I am prone to spinning the occasional yarn.
Make what you want of that. I would like to think it has rewarded a loyal readership with an insight into the psyche of their genial and good looking host. Failing that, it has given a passing psychologist a greater understanding of the criminally insane.
I shall leave you good people with a quote: “Suddenly from flowered skies, Twenty thousand butterflies, Glorify my bed in deep maroon…”
Bear that in mind and you shall be one step closer to fulfilment, grasshopper.
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Jeffman on 
October 28th, 2008 at 2:44 am
You know, Baby…I have always kinda wondered bout the #6 my own self. It just don’t seem real to me most times neither.
I feel like I know you well enough to become Mrs. Jeffman now.Let me go dust oft a dress.
Eve
October 28th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Eve: The number 6 is indeed a tricky customer, not to be trusted one jot. I think the more they try to convince us of its existence, the more their lies become apparent.
October 28th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Wow I did not know all of that and I’m not sure I wanted to know all of …that, “I tip my trilby to you” finally makes sense tho!
Number 6 will always be the hardest, only a magician with a heart of gold and a kidney of stone will be able to crack the dreaded number 6!
I tip my trilby to you for attempting to crack its evil gaze!
October 28th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I believe the evil number six has struck again and wiped my previous comment on this topic/post, lets hope this sticks because I cant not remember everything I just said, I’m sure I tipped my trilby to you and made a clever little joke about how it all makes sense but we shall never know!
October 28th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
“Turn from hot to very cool
Though it seems incredible
I could ride a bike around the moon”
Eve got me to do this too, kinda fun. As for the #6..I like #3…odd and unusual. But you have two 3’s then it is 6..even and soft.
Ahh hell, what do I know! Cheers!
October 28th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Damo: And I tip the trilby back to you, Damo. The number 6 is to be avoided at all cost. As Obi Wan Kenobi says in Star Wars: “Who is more the fool? The fool? Or the fool that believes the number six exists?”
Damo: It’s those that would have us acknowledge the number six’s existence that make such things happen. I’ll never be convinced.
And it seems we shall know.
Hussy Housewife: “Cherry Blossom clinic, is there any truth in what they say?”
Aha. It would seem you have already found fulfilment. Allow me to tip the trilby to you, my good lady.
Somebody once tried to tell me that all numbers add up to six, but I didn’t believe them and neither should you.
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:08 am
No #6???
No 6 you say???
*Raises arched eyebrow*
How can that be?
What fun would 69 be if there was only 9?
~ZZ
November 2nd, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Greeneyezz: I believe the mounting evidence against it cancels out any saucy benefits this non-existent number may have. I could be wrong though.
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:14 am
Finally, the important things to know about Jeffman. It’s about time!
I did not know smokin’ a tater was such a grand high. I shall attempt to try it, posthaste.
Take care, sir, and may your trilby stay stiff in the wind.
November 3rd, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Kelly: Never underestimate the power of a good tater, Kelly. I did and I’ve not been the same since. If you too fiind yourself on a beach in Tiera Del Fuego, run for the hills.
November 5th, 2008 at 6:44 am
what happens to the pork pies and the scotch eggs when you tip your trilby?
November 5th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
nursemyra: Good question.
I have yet to find myself in a situation where trilby tipping has come into conflict with savoury snack secretion. Should such an event arise, you shall be first to hear of the outcome, good nurse.
November 6th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
that’s good. I like to be at the forefront of things topical