No. 32 Is This Gurning Loon the Future Leader of Great Britain?

God help us!

Is Frank Spencer the only hope left for the Labour movement? If so, I’m resigning my post forthwith and buggering off to live on some distant uninhabitable island, where I’ll be only too happy to take my chances amongst the nests of poisonous spiders and malignant coconuts. It beats chavs and treacherous politicians any day.

But Brown-bashing (of which I’m all too guilty myself) has become somewhat de rigueur, in that it’s now more of a ghoulish spectacle that no matter how hard we try, we can’t quite avert our gaze from. Like paying good money to watch a clown in full clowning get-up, repeatedly kick a basin-haired simpleton named ’sad Jon’ around a circus ring.

If Gordon Brown’s display of useless ineptitude was merely a cunning ruse with which to catch a shaving of Jeffman’s sympathy then bravo, he’s finally accomplished something with a certain degree of aplomb; a solitary highlight on an otherwise shockingly dour CV. With that in mind, he might perhaps now lose the look of a sad old sheepdog that’s about to be taken out and shot, and I can get back to pillorying him.

So what about this David Miliband? What does he have to offer?

Let’s have a swift look at this young pretender to the throne’s achievements thus far:

He once single-handedly demolished his future mother-in-law’s staircase whilst plugging a Hoover into the mains.

He crashed through a church roof whilst playing the Archangel Gabriel in a Nativity play.

And most famously, he travelled across his constituency on a pair of out-of-control rollerskates, hitching a tow from a passing bus, passing under an articulated lorry, and eventually crashing head first into a babywear shop.

- David Miliband later went on to play the lead role in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom Of The Opera on Broadway.

When pressed on his plans to bridge the fiscal deficit between rich and poor and avoid an impending economic meltdown, David Miliband replied, “Mmmmm… Betty always deals with that sort of thing.”

Has to be an improvement on Gordon Brown (Sorry Gordon, couldn’t help myself).

You have been warned!

Unbiased Brown-bashing:

No. 21 Recession, The Olympics, and the Honours List
No. 10 Gordon Brown – U-turns and Lies
No. 8 Gordon Brown – Our Unelectable Leader (Pt. 1)

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